But I have been feeling sort of blank. That is - I always think about things I would tell you. Lots of little anecdotes that would make this a living blog throughout my day and my week, but then at the end of it, when I sit down to tell them to you, my mind goes blank. Empty. White.
It is not unpleasant. For years I hated silence, because everytime there was nothing to fill my brain with, inevitably my brain would start coming with all these worrying thoughts about my future, my finances, my studies, my job going on and on and on until I could hear nothing else but worries and I would cry inside myself, feeling myself sinking deeper and deeper. These days if there is silence, I find myself in a good space inside my head - it is kind of like a nice summer day, not too hot, not too cold, just right, with the sun shining at you, not too strong, not too directly, but just right. It doesn't mean that I don't think about stuff, it just means that there is space to be quiet, and I've been enjoying it.
But, there are many things that I would like to share. And that does not happen if I just keep this page blank, like my page. And it is not as if the thoughts I have in my head, before it goes blank and white, couldn't be translated into words on this page. So here goes - I am really here. I am back.