Not knowing

It is strange to be in this kind of in between mode. I feel sort of stomped - cannot really start any projects because I might not be able to finish them because any time I might be told I am leaving in a few days. It affects everything, and it makes me understand and appreciate more fully the difficulty people who are living from day to day are living their lives and the kind of inertia that creeps in.

One of the things it affects is cooking for example. I am so used to cook in big batches, buying in bulk to make things as cost effective as possible. It is so strange to buy the smallest container of cheese, or refrain from buying eggs because we might be leaving in a couple of days. And it is very strange to just make enough for one meal at the time, and not have that second lasagna or chicken casserole or what it might be to freeze for another time.

Not knowing is the worst part of it, and it makes planning very difficult. Next week Rosh Hashana, is celebrated. We don't know yet if we will be in South Africa, expected to be fully prepared to act as part of the community's leadership to guide the congregation in a meaningful celebration or if we will be here in Jerusalem. No matter what, we are trying to somehow prepare for both possibilities. Not so easy, I have to admit.

Every morning when I wake up I hope and pray that this will be the day that we get the call from the embassy telling us that we have been granted work permits. And every day, so far, when I go to bed, I know that no, it wasn't today. :( I know that we are in a very fortunate situation compared to most people, and we have really nothing to complain about, but sometimes this in between situation just gets to me.